Currently stressing over this presentation.

why? here's a recap. 

I get to class ready to present my artist on one of the artist in Abex movement. I'm there listening to other presentations and it gets to me. I go up and I plug in my external harddrive and click on the file to open up the PowerPoint. I'm there looking at everyone introducing myself and my artist and when I point up to the board where my PowerPoint was being projected, it was blank. BLANK. Everything was gone. I felt like I was going to faint right then and there. I'm panicking and screaming on the inside. I go and close it and open it up again and nothing, nothing at all. Thank god my professor was nice enough to let me redo the presentation BUT I'm going to have to do it in front of another class. #killmepls #i'drathergettheF

That's like double the anxiety of presenting but I have to. (please pray for me, I'm going to need it) 

I'm almost done with my PowerPoint with about 20-30 slides of information and photos and 2-3 artists. 

Currently Listening to: My tears hit my laptop and my desk aka Adele's "Hello".

December 18,2015 2:15 am.

So i turned 21 today. (yesterday, if you really want to be technical) It was nothing special and out of the ordinary, but I'm glad to have shared it with the people i love and care about. This week is going to be an eventful one! My best friend is gonna take me out this friday to a bar in Wynwood called Wood Tavern, Saturday I'm having a family party in my house, and Sunday my friend from school is taking me to go get pizza. Then we're gonna go take some photos. IF YOU KNOW ME, you know i'm a sucker for art, some good ol' pizza, and especially doing what i love most, photography. I couldn't have asked for such amazing friends and family.

Theres so much i want to get you guys updated on, but heres one! This thursday i start a new job at an office. Did i mention, I'm going to be working with my best friend?? Its gonna be awesome i can't wait to start the training. Also, look at this awesome (cookie) cake my younger brother woke me up to!

Currently listening to: a bozo singing and snapping to Jess Glynne's Hold my hand
August 5, 2015. 12:53am.

I don't know what it is and why I crave so much to be the person I used to be. A person filled with passion, depth, endless amounts of thoughts, and emotion. I want meaning and depth back into my life. i want to care as much as i used to. i want to love as much as i used to. 

i want to drown in emotion.

I'm going to start off by loving myself and being proud of the person i am. truly loving myself and feeling comfortable in my own skin. i want to thank this special person that i recently met about 8 months ago. They made me believe i can truly and utterly love and be loved again. Something i thought wouldn't have ever happen again. With that being said I'm going to take a further step and do the things that make me happy.
Reading books, listening to my records, drawing, painting, and seeing the beauty in everything.
I hope you guys, whoever is reading, to never lose who you are despite the people you encounter throughout your life. Don't let them alter you. heres to self love and self discovery!

Currently listening to: Birdy - Shelter cover

August 3, 2015. 7:33 pm

***this post is mainly to get things out of my system and for my future self.***

With that being said, I'd like to say, there's someone quite special in my life right now. I met them randomly on instagram, then later on snap chat and we've been talking since December of 2014. So for about 4 months now. At first I was iffy about it all. i didn't want to feel anything or catch any feelings for this person whatsoever. I merely just talked to them because I found them interesting. I remember having this wall up and no matter what this person said or try to do to break through it I wouldn't give in. they'd ask me personal questions to try and get to know me better and I'd simply just blow it off and ignore it because I didn't want anything serious. it went like this for about mid almost late December. I remember being at work and thinking about this person and catching myself smiling at the thought of them and the conversations we had. I would get extremely excited to see their name pop up on a text message and my stomach would get all tingly and twirl. one night I slowly told them I had a crush on them and they did too and it couldn't have gone any better. Ive gotten to love and respect everything about them as a person. I feel like there is a sense of hope for people who get out of long term relationships and feel like they'll never feel those butterflies when they hear them talk, or laugh and talk on the phone for hours on end. there is hope and sometimes that means bringing and slowly tearing down that wall you build for yourself from others because maybe, you'll find someone worth it all.

Last night was... strange. I felt pain in a peculiar way. pictures and small flashbacks fluttered and cluttered my brain. I wanted so badly to fall asleep and not feel anything. But I wasn't going to get away from myself this time. it's almost if my body, my mind, or the universe wanted me to feel this, wanted me to remember the pain. the warm touch of her hand on my face. the look of amazement she had in her eyes when she saw me. the soft but tender kiss she slowly crept onto mine. why were these images coming back to mind? I couldn't keep still in bed. I kept moving and flipping over the pillow and onto my face, tossing and turning as if I was trying to physically ignore the voices and the images that kept flooding my mind. the feeling I got when I read the words "you have a beautiful soul". the immense of butterflies I got when I received a message from this person. the overflowing joy I filled with when I would read those beautiful inspiring words they would send. tossing and turning, seemed to be endless. I remember forcing myself to stop. to stop feeling this internal and emotional pain whilst punching the bed simultaneously. I finally opened my eyes and everything was gone for a while. I stared blankly at the ceiling watching the shadows dance. listening to nothing but the constant blowing of the fan.

Currently listening to: Lo-Fang — When we're here. 

September 23, 2014. 8:38 am. 

Well, to start off, it's been a while since I've been on here, let alone written anything personal for that matter. I've just been too busy. it's a bittersweet feeling. I'll catch you guys up for the 2 months I've missed.

+ I had the pleasure of shooting a beautiful couple for their 25th anniversary. They were genuinely kind and their family as well! I remember my cheeks constantly hurting because of the amount of time I spent smiling and laughing. 

+ School. well, I've finally came to the realization that Mondays A R E N ' T for me. At all. Especially morning classes. I had missed 3 classes and I got dropped out of the class. I'm actually quite ashamed of saying this but, oh well. it's the truth. 

+ Work. I finally got hired! I now work at Michaels. The managers as well as the co workers are extremely nice and just very helpful. Not only am I working there but I'm also working in the morning with my uncle, at his auto body shop. I guess that compensates for the amount of time I was looking for a job that now I've got two.

+ Money. Now that I've got, not one but two jobs I've got more money to save. I'm planning to save up for three things! three quite expensive things. 

One, which is a new car. I'm planning to sell my car and use that money and the extra money I save for a down payment for a new car. I still haven't decided what car I want. Two, I'm saving up for a new camera. A Canon 5d mark iii to be more specific. I think I should spend a little bit more money to have better quality photos. Quality over quantity, always. Third, a Wabcom tablet. I've gotten so accustomed to using it in school that working without it seems almost impossible. So that's that. 

+ Photography. It's been about 2 months since I've shot anyone (with my camera). It honestly feels strange. I'm finally getting back to it, now that I know my schedule a bit more. I'm hoping two work with a few people I have in mind. hopefully things go well! 

September 23, 2014. 7:50 am

Currently listening to Misery by Stephen King on Audible.com

(my books are all put away, you guys will find out in a near post) 

Do you ever imagine a certain someone, and you just know you'd be able love them. Love them hard. You can imagine yourself snuggled up watching tv together, laughing uncontrollably till both of your stomachs ache, and or the touch of their fingertips caressing your face but then come to the realization that things are nothing like what they seem to be in your head? or it is just me? 

Sam Sparro - Black and Gold.

August 24, 2014 4:59 am